Questions and Answers: Dear Ms. Soup: This is lial again. Thank you about the advice about the girl I have a crush on. Now she isn't going out with anyone. We have several classes together and lately she's been asking to wear my sweatshirt. In the hall and in class every time I look at her she smiles at me. I don't know what to do Ms. Soup. She's really popular and I'm only sort of popular. We are sort of friends now I think she might know that I have a crush on her because one of my cousins wrote her and told her. But she didn't say anything to me and she still acted normal. I don't know whether I should tell her now or wait. Dear Lial: Don't tell her anything - just continue getting to know her and being friendly. If she likes you too, things will soon start going your way. If you want to ask her out do so when the opportunity feels right. If she rejects you then maybe she just prefers that you're friends and get over it. Don't worry about your not being as popular as she. What matters more is your personality in general. Although I must admit, I sure wouldn't want to wear the sweatshirt of a guy I DIDN'T like! Dear Ms. Soup: My 12 year old daughter lies to me all the time. Not big lies but still lies. Thank goodness she isnšt a good liar so I know when she is. But now I find myself questioning everything she says. How can I make her understand that I can't trust her on the big things when she tells all these little lies. - Joyce Dear Joyce: Talk to her! Take her out to lunch and talk to her. She'll see that it's something special and you'll have her full attention. Explain how you feel and how important it is for her to tell the truth. You may have to do this a few times before it really sinks in. Tell her the story of the boy who cried wolf. Explain the meaning if she still doesn't get it. Tell her that you are losing trust in her. Then reverse the situation, asking her what it would be like if you did the same thing to her and then give her a very real concrete example that she can relate to. Keep telling her and explaining and giving examples until she gets it. Sometimes you can hear the same thing over and over again from one person and you just don't want to believe it -- until another person, even a stranger says the same thing and then it sinks in. If you can, find an supporter to help get the message across in subtle and even not so subtle ways if you find yourself at a standstill. Dear Ms. Soup: Hi again! You helped me out a lot the last time I wrote to you so I figured I'd come back for more of this free advice stuff! Ok... here goes my problem. I have a SLIGHT....ok BIG..NO HUGE.. NO ENORMOUS anger problem. If people make me mad I keep it in. Then, the littlest things trigger me off and I go berserk! I flip out and I rant and rave and yell! It's ridiculous! The guy I wrote to you about last time said that I need to work on this and that he would help me, but I feel like a major jag off going to him for help! I mean it's like "Hi! I'm Laurie! want to solve my problem?" I feel like a loser. He experienced my anger before, but not as friends... or more than friends as some people put it! I really want to get control of this problem. I tried counting to ten, I tried "3-2-1-1-2-3 what the hell is bothering me!?!", and none of it seems to work... I need major help... please help me before I kill someone in a fit of anger... If I don't kill myself first! thank you! Laurie Dear Laurie: You shouldn't feel weird because a friend of yours is willing to help; you should feel grateful for having such a good friend and yes, you certainly do need to do something about your anger. First - nobody makes you angry. You ALLOW people to make you angry. You're the one at the control switch. You can't go around the world changing what other people do or so but you can change how you allow yourself to be affected by what others do or say or even how you react to the things around you. Second - understand the mechanism of getting angry. Anger is the result of your mind becoming overloaded. You need to catch the anger before it becomes too serious. In your case, you've waited until the explosion was already happening. Third - identify the types of things that make you angry. Know them well so that when things start heating up, you can dodge them or dissipate them. Try relaxing and doing breathing exercises at the very start. I've given details on this procedure to other people down at the very bottom of the column. Take a look and start practicing. And just calm down. When you accept the fact that there will be things in life (or people) you won't be able to change, you can become more tolerate of things. Such tolerance is a sign of maturity and kindliness that will put you way above the norm. Start learning it now. Dear Ms. Soup: I've told my boyfriend that I love him and he says it back, but he has never said it to me first. How come? Does he really love me or is he just saying it? Please help me out. - Kelly Dear Kelly: I assume he's somewhere close to your age so I'd guess that in his mind, saying he loves you, is a very big "final moment" that he's not willing to commit to at this point. He may or may not, in fact, love you. But you've put him on the spot so he feels the need to tell you the same. Or....some men (lots of men) have trouble expressing their emotions and don't readily say things like "I love you." Don't hold it against him. You will know if he loves you by the way he treats you and the strength of the relationship overall, not by just words. Dear Ms. Soup: I want to tell this girl I love her, but I can't. Can you help Me? - Tim Dear Tim: You're probably afraid of how she will react if you do something so blatant as to tell her how you feel. Also, that would put you on the record with her - like telling the big secret. Once it's out of the bag, you can't go back and say that you never said it. I'm guessing all this since you gave me no information. I suggest you think long and hard about what's stopping you - what are you afraid of? Then, work to alleviate those fears by discussing them with her first. If you're not sure that she loves you or that she may have feelings toward someone else, then it's probably not a good idea to say anything at this point. Although, sometimes, knowing how another person feels toward you makes it easier to tell them how you feel, meaning: maybe she needs you to tell her before she can tell you.