Questions and Answers: Dear Ms. Soup: I have a problem. I like this girl . But I do not know if she likes me or not. I think she likes me but I do not want to make a fool of myself. - signed, love is confusing. Dear Love is Confusing: It's a little difficult for me to answer your question in more than just general terms because you haven't given me a lot of information to work with. But here goes. My first response to you would be - well, have you asked her if she likes you? Now, you don't have to be quite so blunt as to say something like "Hey, Girlie, do you like me?", but you might try asking her another way, like - Hey, you want to go to the park on Saturday" and go rollerblading, or go for a walk, or a movie...or whatever. If she says "No", there are a few ways to look at it. Either she really doesn't like you or you haven't chosen the right activity. Before giving up all hope, try asking her if there's something she'd like to do that you can both do to together. Maybe she prefers the zoo or library. There are more subtle ways you can tell if she likes you by the way she looks at you, talks to you. She may also be shy if her response is "No", perhaps she's scared to go out. How does she react to you with other people around - maybe you should organize a safe and very casual double-date so she won't feel threatened by your advances. That's always a nice way to start a relationship, too, because it's safe for both sides. Don't rush things. If you like her a lot and she likes you only a little, you'll ruin it by being too anxious. Also, is she old enough to go out? Do her parents allow it? Just some points to keep you thinking - there can be many reasons why a girl might not go out with you. It's not all your fault. Good luck. Dear Ms. Soup: I have a problem. I know I shouldn't be seeing this man any more. The relationship is not going to work. The problem is that I am in love with him. I live in a small town and still run in to him occasionally, and we attend the same church. Just when I feel like I am starting to get over him, he comes over and I'm at his mercy. I've told him that we couldn't be friends and that I never wanted to see him again, and that works for a little while but he always comes back. How do I get over him??? - Signed Crabhead Dear Crabhead: Yours is a difficult situation because you are dealing with one of the strongest emotions - love. And the heart has a tendency to control the intellect at times. Obviously, though, you have weighed the reasons as to why this man is not right for you. Either that or your intuition has told you so. Listen to it! I think you need to strengthen your resolve and remind yourself each and every time you see him or hear him - that it won't work and why. Visualize the scenarios that tell you it won't work, the complications - all of them - in every tiny detail. Keep them in the forefront of your brain and not the fact that you love him, or think you love him. Try not to be caught alone in any situation, like at the church, where you're bound to run into him. If you do run into him, say hello and goodbye, that fast, and leave. Or, don't say anything at all. He'll start getting the message that you're serious. So far, he knows you're just bluffing. You're at his mercy only because you've allowed yourself to be. You've allowed yourself to become a slave to your emotions. Prefer to be, at least in this situation, a slave to your intellect. Love is disguised in "want", "need" or "hurt" - and you hang on to it because of these things. You are too important to allow yourself to hang on to the feelings in this relationship. So work on building up your self-worth and confidence. YOU ARE TOO IMPORTANT to allow yourself to accept that which is not positive. Dear Ms. Soup: I have this friend at school, but then this other girl is trying to get us mad at each other which did work once. I really miss the one time my friend and I used to have. We are friends now but the other girl is still trying to get us mad. She thinks she is all that, I really hate her and I need her to stop trying to get us mad! How do I tell her!?! or how do I get her to stop? She wont listen to me! - Signed Need To Talk Dear Need to Talk: You might try ignoring the other girl entirely. It sounds as if you have a fairly good and strong relationship with your main friend. You question is a little confusing - if you read it carefully I think you'll agree. But the gist of it remains about the other girl trying to interrupt your friendship. It sounds as if she's jealous of you two and is trying to get you to be her friend instead. If you basically like this other girl, however, you might try including her in some of your get together with your main friend and see how she reacts if she's made to feel "part of the group". This would depend on how well your main friend can deal with the situation, if she even agrees to try to be friends with the other girl. You say the other girl won't stop trying to break you up and you want to know how to tell her to stop. Have you tried sitting down and actually talking to her to find out what's wrong and why she does this? You might be surprised to learn the answer right from her own mouth. If you do decide to talk with her directly, I suggest you do it in a non-threatening manner, very calmly and in complete privacy so that she will not become defensive should other people butt in. People generally don't like to be confronted if they're doing something "wrong". Ask her nicely what's going on. If you get a lot of negative and angry feedback, you might just wish to tell this girl to leave you and your other friend alone - then make a pact with your main friend not to let this other girl come between you. You have to then trust that your main friend will stay true to you. But don't rule out that the other girl may actually be crying out for attention from one or both of you. Dear Ms. Soup: There are these 3 guys who like and all of them have asked me out what should I do 1 his name is Cory 2 his name is jean 3 his name is Jason but what I need to know witch one should go out with Cory kisses the ground I walk on jean I don't like and Jason is just nice please help me. signed - Tommy Hilfiger Girl Dear Tommy Hilfiger Girl: Well, obviously don't go out with Jean who you already know you don't like unless you think there may be something about him you could like and you want to find out. Cory may kiss the ground you walk on, but that doesn't mean you will like him (he may even crowd your style after awhile with all that worship!) even if he does. It's wonderful to be so liked, but how well does he really know you? Is he just attracted to your looks or personality? You want someone to like you for yourself, someone who really knows you. If Jason is just nice, well, that certainly is a very good start. You sure don't want to go out with someone who's not nice. Look seriously at each guy and decide what you do and don't like about each of them. Maybe one of them will just be a good friend, maybe one will be more than that. It all depends on how they treat you: hopefully with a good deal of respect. And remember this: one of the best and most important things you could ever expect from another person is friendship. After, that, friendship can grow into other wonderful things. But without friendship, there really is very little on which to base a relationship. Another thing: going out with a guy isn't a marriage so don't be pushed into something you're not ready for or not willing to do. Dear Ms. Soup: Lately I have been so confused. I cannot eat and have been accused of trying to lose weight. I weigh 135lbs and I am 5'4. I do need to lose a little but Iım not not eating by choice. Lately I have slit my wrists. For some reason hurting myself makes me feel better. I just don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to tell anyone but I need to somehow let someone guess that I need help. - signed, Confused. Dear Confused: Before I can answer your questions I need more details. You don't say why you are confused and about what. It seems, however, that you are very overloaded mentally and or emotionally and this is causing you your loss of appetite. Many times this comes from a problem of not being able to make a decision about something important in your life. But this is just a guess concerning you. If this is the case, the best temporary solution is to simply make a decision not to make a decision at this time. Step back and take another hard look at your situation and its options. I would advise you to talk to someone you can confide in, someone you can trust: teacher, relative...and they could listen to you and possibly steer you to professional help. Sometimes when we feel we have no control over our lives we do things that are bad in order to prove to ourselves that we have at least some control - even if it hurts us. It's like the girls who purge themselves after a meal. They'll really not doing it to lose weight because most are too skinny anyway. They're doing it to make themselves feel that they have some control over their lives. When you find a good friend to talk to, sit down with them and make up a list of things you can do, things you're interested in - put your attention into something constructive. Through this, you can build your confidence which is obviously lacking at this time.