Questions and Answers: Dear Ms. Soup: Please help me! Today was the last day of school for me. We got our yearbooks and I asked my crush to sign mine. He wouldn't when I asked him, so I sent about 6 of my friends to try and get it. Finally, I got his initials, but I wanted his full name. I chased him and an hour later, he FINALLY gave me his name! Does this mean he hates me or just wanted me to chase him? - Yearbook Loser Dear Yearbook Loser: It shouldn't take that much effort to get someone to sign your yearbook. My guess is that you're chasing after the wrong guy and no, he doesn't want you chasing him. So, move on. It seems obvious to me that he's just not as interested in you as you are in him. Don't think that he hates you. That's a very strong response. Again, I suggest that you find someone else. Dear Ms. Soup: I still don't know what to do with myself. This guy just asked me to start dating. (I really don't know what 'dating' means. Can you still date other people or what?) The guy is 18 and I don't know if I should date someone my own age. I hope you don't get mad for me e-mailing you from here. Thanks from critiquing my story. Thank you for helping me. Jane. Dear Jane: It's understandable that you will be confused for some time to come. Listen to that brain of yours and don't act on impulse. Dating doesn't necessarily mean you have to see just the one guy, but it should be understood by both parties involved that each intends to see other people. That way there won't be any hard feelings later on. At your age, 15, I happen to think he is too old for you. As you get older, the age difference becomes less noticeable and less important, but at a younger age, each year means a lot because of the varying experiences that an older person might have. As you get older, your experiences will grow and match that of the other person. Also, sometimes an older boy goes out with a younger girl so that he can control her. And you certainly don't want any of that! Don't be in such a rush to grow up. Remember what I said about finding an activity that you like. Try it! Besides, there will always be boys around. And when you achieve your new goal of finding the wonderful, bright, cheery new you, just think of all of the bright, cheery wonderful boys who will come your way! Stay calm, think clearly. Dear Ms. Soup: Please help me if you can. I feel as if I'm drowning in sorrow. My mother is very ill and about to lose her house. She has wounds on her legs that will not heal and can barely walk now! I have been trying for a couple of months now to find help for her and am getting desperate. I have tried selling things on internet auctions only to find this just about breaks even. I have tried to do internet searches using words that match her condition, all I get in return are things that would make the devil blush! I am at my witıs end and need help. I no longer feel as there is any hope for her but refuse to give up on her even though I feel as if I'm losing control of my own life. Trying to be. A good son Dear Drowning: I am so sorry to hear about your mother's poor health. Perhaps you can send more details about the house situation as well as specifics on the medical condition and I can try to get some info for you. As far as your feelings are concerned, your desperation comes from you taking on too many problems at once. You've become totally overloaded with your mother's problems and then, I'm sure you have things of your own that need tending. You can only do so much. Not to diminish the importance of any of them, but you need to handle one at the time. What's the priority TODAY? The house or the medical condition? Aren't there any senior aid centers in your area; does your city or state have any? Check your phone book: for example mine had an area in the white pages devoted to community services. There was a Disability Services section; one for Legal Services (which included The American Civil Liberties Union); Mental health counseling; Housing and Senior services. Perhaps these areas can at least steer you toward the right people. There was a listing for a Senior Outreach Program. Perhaps you can get someone to help care for your mother while you deal with the house issue. Do you belong to a church or synagogue? Perhaps the priest or rabbi can help you find a solution. Even if you don't belong to a church or other house of worship, contact one anyway. Surely, there is someone in your community you can turn to for help. As far as the overload goes, think of a yard full of bricks - there's about a thousand of them each weighing 10 pounds each. If you had to move them to the back yard, how many bricks could you carry at one time: one, two, six, a dozen? The point is, you can only move so many at one time. The same goes for emotional problems as chores - you can only do one thing at a time, otherwise you'll be juggling so much, nothing will get done. I wish you the very best of luck. ADDENDUM: I found this in newspaper today - maybe it will help. " A new product made of human skin cells won FDA approval for use in treating certain kinds of wounds. The product, called Apligraf, is made by a Canton, Massachusetts based company called Organogenesis. It's been approved for use in treating venous skin ulcers which are hard to heal because of a lack of blood flow to the skin." Dear Ms. Soup: I really like this guy, and he keeps saying he's gonna ask me out, but then he won't. After a while he just says he changed his mind, but then it changes back. I keep waiting and soon school will be out and I doubt he'll call. I really like him a lot and he acts like he likes me. Why won't he make up his mind? signed, Frustrated. Dear Frustrated: I think it's time you moved on. If he's telling you to your face that he's going to ask you out then doesn't, then he's really not that interested and he's too afraid to be upfront about it. If he's telling other people that he's going to ask you out and then doesn't, it's possible he's shy. Perhaps he just likes you as a friend and you shouldn't push for anything more than that. If you're not getting any satisfaction from knowing this person, then move on. You owe it to yourself not to keep putting yourself in a position to get hurt. Dear Ms. Soup: My friend has liked 3 guys this school year. They didn't like her back and they told her to go away. It has really started to bother her and her self-confidence level has dropped tremendously!! She tells me stuff like "I'm the ugliest person in the whole world" and "I'm never going to get married!" I want to help her but I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better! Any ideas? - Worried about my Best Bud Dear Worried About My Best Bud: You're a good friend to be so concerned. Such instances can be very damaging to a girl's self-esteem. But, the first thing that comes to mind is that she's perhaps targeting the wrong kinds of boys. Often we go after what we cannot or should not have (are the boys even available?; perhaps they like other girls; maybe she's not their type of girl). There are many different reasons as to why she might be rejected by these boys. If her looks are really an issue and she's uncomfortable with the way she looks, then maybe it's time for a mini makeover. There's nothing wrong with changing the outside (sometimes it can be a wonderful boost to self-confidence) but ultimately, it's what's inside that matters most. She needs to feel good about herself and then it won't matter so much what other people think. Everyone faces rejection in his or her life sometime. It's unavoidable. It's how you handle it that matters. You try to be the very best that you can be: honest and forthright, respectful of others. Good things will eventually come your way. The other thing that seems to be true, as ridiculous as it may sound, is that sometimes the harder you try for something (in her case - the boys), the faster it slips away. That's usually because you try too hard. If she's pushing herself on these boys, or trying to get too close, too fast, they will surely run away. They will feel trapped by her. I suggest she works on her appearance - a new haircut might be a nice boost to her confidence - then seriously start working on the rest of her (the inside). She should nurture the activities that she likes to do; take up a new craft, perhaps and relax. Good things will indeed come her way, when she is most at peace with herself. She should stop trying so hard and learn to enjoy life.