Questions and Answers: Dear Ms. Soup: I just want to say something to the 16 year old girl who wants to marry the 19 year old. My mother met my dad when she was 16 and he was a few years older than her. She had my brother at 18, and me at 21. It turned out who she thought she knew, trusted and loved, was not the same guy. He was mean and my mother was forced to divorce him or something terrible could've happened. However, that was the terrible thing. I was only a baby at the time, but it has still affected me. Things were working out a little ok until he took my brother out of school at 13 or 14 and my brother lived with him for a while. Now they are in Las Vegas and I miss him very much. Both my dad and my brother. I am often very sad and I have a step dad whom I can not accept as my father. I just want to say that you should REALLY know the guy for all its worth. Try not to be blinded by love. Don't get married too young. It might not matter much to you. You could just get divorced if things don't work out, you say. But if you have a kid, it will be REALLY hard on them. I am not the only one with this problem. signed, Unfortunate Soul Dear Unfortunate Soul: Thanks for your input. I think that if everyone had the smarts to look a little bit to the future, we'd all be making a lot fewer mistakes in our lives. I give a lot of credit to your mother for making the right decision. It's a shame you're not able to visit your brother or father often. For your own sake, though, I do hope you give your step-father a good chance to be the kind of father you are now lacking. Maybe he has it in him to be one. Dear Ms. Soup: I have been corresponding with a guy via e-mail for the past 2 months. I recently sent him my photographs which he acknowledged by saying "Thanks for your letter....and the photographs....I will get in touch with you soon...Bye." Usually he signs off saying "Talk to you later" or "Best wishes" or something in the same vein. With this last e-mail the message is not clear. Does he want to continue corresponding or is this an e-mail saying "Don't call me I'll call you" ? I'm confused. Should I wait for him to write again, or should I write to him and ask him to clarify ? I don't want him to think that I am not interested in case he is waiting for my reply and didn't mean anything like I thought. Please advice on which course of action to follow. signed, SP101 Dear SP101: As I read your letter, and analyze the words he wrote, my tendency is to think exactly what you're thinking that perhaps he's not interested. But, in my experience, I have found that assumptions are dangerous things because we can be wrong lots of times. I suggest, in this case, rather than just asking him outright (besides, since you already wrote to him, I gather it's his turn), you simply continue on with your life and wait and see. If in a week or more (whatever you feel would be a good wait - depending on the previous frequency of your letters) try writing to him again and check the tone of his response. If it's decidedly colder or no answer at all, then it would seem that he's not interested. Some people put more emphasis on looks than what's going on in a person's head. And there's nothing you can do about it. I think an email relationship is not a very good one, just like a regular letter correspondence isn't very good either because you can't see the other person's face and eyes to help gauge what they're thinking and feeling. Also, it is not a natural relationship because as people we relate to others using all of our senses even intuition - difficult things to acquire over insensitive computer lines. Find a real guy if this one doesn't work out and don't worry if this ends up being a rejection - he really didn't even know you, as far as I'm concerned! Dear Ms. Soup: There is this girl I like. I want to go out with her to the movies, etc. Also there is homecoming, I would also like her to go to it with me. But I am kind of shy, and she is in only one of my classes. I'm afraid that if I ask her that she will say no. what should I do? I want to ask her out but I don't know what way to approach her. Please help. signed, Lonely. Dear Lonely: While no one likes to be rejected, you have to understand that it's part of the dating game and things like that are going to happen. So, learn to deal with it. The reason I say this is because there are many reasons why you may get rejected and they may not all have to do with YOU, but rather the other person ...meaning it's her problem not yours. In any case, you are going to have to approach this girl if you want a chance at going out with her. Ask her when you can be relatively alone with her, off to the side, where you or her friends aren't there to bug you or make fun of you or whatever. Also, have you had any contact with her at all or would you be going up to her cold? Does she know who you are? Are there any signs that she thinks you're okay? Do you chat with her during lunch? You should - or after school. Does she do an activity that would make it easy to find her and approach her there - such as basketball or something like that where you can compliment her (that would certainly give you points in your favor). Or how about starting off with a compliment about something she's wearing (just make sure it's an honest compliment) and then try chatting about the class you just had. What does she think about the subject; did she understand what the teacher was saying; how are her other classes compared to that one; Talk to her about what you know in general and about what you both have in common. When you feel you are getting along okay, just ask her if she'd like to go to the movies - have a couple of choices picked out and let her make the final choice, even if it's something you'd rather not see. If she already has a date for the homecoming it may be that you were too late in asking and maybe she would have gone with you, so be careful how you read what she's saying to you. Just stay calm and ask. Dear Ms. Soup: I recently visited my grandparents for a week. My grandfather and I have always been really close but a few times when we were talking in the garage he hand his hands all over me. They were even up my shirt. I was so scared I just froze. Did I bring it on by being so nice to him? How much should I read into this? Should I take it any further? Gosh I am so upset! Please help me. signed, Freak Dear Freak: This needs to be dealt with seriously and without allowing things to get out of control. Without knowing a lot of detail, it seems that there is a good possibility that this is very inappropriate behavior on your grandfather's part. But without making an instant judgment on my part, you should seek out advice from others who are close to you. I suggest you tell your parent the one who is not directly related to your grandfather and tell him/her what happened. If that doesn't work, then find another adult relative you can trust who can speak on your behalf. If you end up being ignored or humored then you will have to seek out help from outside the family, perhaps your family doctor. If you can get no satisfaction from any of these people, then you might have to go to the police. I firmly believe that at your age, no one in your family should be touching you in what I call private places unless it is of a medical nature such as your mother teaching you how to do a breast exam for cancer ... that kind of thing. If this is indeed gross inappropriate behavior, do not feel alone. It happens everyday throughout the world and it is not the fault of the victim. You may want to seek out a counselor at school, maybe, who can help you get through this, if you feel the need. Dear Ms. Soup: My Mom has been helping at the school for 9 years. People she thought she could trust are gossiping about her. She didn't do anything. They are probably jealous that she is more classy. But still people are starting to give her the Evil Eye, and/or ignoring her. What should she do, or say. - Confused Dear Confused: I wish I had a nickel for everyone who had tried to stab me in the back over the years. The other side of the story is that I thank my lucky stars for the people who have proven to be my friends and have been there for me when I needed them. In other words, no matter how hard you try there will always be people who choose to be your friends as well as others who won't. There's really nothing you can do about it. Ignore it and stand by your principals knowing that you are doing the right thing. The saying goes that you can't please all of the people all the time. Obviously, if your mother has done nothing wrong to cause this strange reaction and you think it's just a matter of jealousy than all I can suggest is that she simply act herself - whatever that is - and be friendly to others as she would normally be. Otherwise she should ignore the gossip, the rumors and the ill-will because her example will always speak more loudly than words.