Questions and Answers: Dear Ms. Soup: Okay, here's the situation. Actually it's almost like a Melrose Place episode: My Science Teacher has a son that my Best friend Aile has known for about 9 years (his name is Nolan). I just recently met him and he met me. We both really like each other but have decided that we should get to know each other before we go out. So, that's fine...but there is one other problem...Aile. She said when I first met him that she only liked him as a friend but now she said that she is secretly in love with him. When I told Nolan this he was really surprised. We want to go out but we both don't want to lose Aile's friendship. What should we do? - Christa Dear Christa: It's possible Aile is just jealous that you're going to go out with Nolan and she maybe has no one. Perhaps when she saw you interested, she talked herself into becoming interested too and now the problem has developed. Perhaps she feels that she will stand to lose two friends (both you and Nolan) if you hook up together. You're right not to want to lose the friendship so you will have to be very careful in HOW you say things to her. Tell her exactly how you feel about your friendship and that you don't want to hurt her but you also want to pursue a friendship with Nolan and you think it's funny that she changed her feelings about him so suddenly. After all, if she really felt so strongly for him, then she should have pursued a relationship long before now. I think the best way to keep the relationship with Aile going is with honesty and hope that she is capable of dealing with it. When you do start seeing Nolan remember to maintain your friendship with Aile and not start to ignore her. That would only make things worse because her deepest fears of losing you as a friend would then come true. Dear Ms. Soup: Hey! it's me...again. Well..remember the last e mail I typed? About the Danny/Joe thing? Well..today (Friday) in school...I broke up with him. Why you ask? Well...here's the deal. We barely even talk anymore on the phone cause he works till late hours and I'm asleep. And we haven't seen each other for about 10 days...besides school. When I have a boyfriend, I want him to be 1st priority to me...and I can't give him that now cause I have bball and work every single day. And I think it's unfair to him to have a girlfriend he can't see. He calls me impatient cause he wants me to wait for him, whatever that means. But I've waited enough, and I do want to make things work, but now, I can't. And he just doesn't understand my position, that I basically have no time for him. Do you think I should have stayed with him and fought a lot like we've been doing? Or did I make the right decision on cooling things down for awhile? You're probably sick of my mails right now but I figured I'd get some advice from an experienced woman! Thanks...Carly Dear Carly: I think you probably did the right thing in cooling it. If you seriously don't have the time to pursue the relationship because you have other things on your mind, then he should understand that. But, I don't know that it was necessary to have shut him out completely unless he really was pressuring you to see him constantly and so forth. That would probably drive me crazy too. You need to take care of the things that are important in your life but a boyfriend can be first and foremost a friend, so don't feel that you need to get rid of him just because you can't spend as much time with him as you'd like. Fighting with him is another matter - not good and perhaps a sign that the relationship has reached its end naturally. Dear Ms. Soup: I have this friend, Lori, she is a compulsive liar. The thing is she lies about EVERYTHING......she is not a close close friend but it still bothers me that she craves so much attention....Well, what should I do? Ask her why she is always lying or let it go??? Thanks-Christine Dear Christine You must care somewhat about the friendship because you've taken the time to write. It might be nice to talk to her in a nonthreatening way. Tell Lori that you've observed that she has a tendency to exaggerate things or say things are not totally true and would she like to talk about it. Get her to open up. If Lori doesn't go for it then it might be better to just drop it. Perhaps if Lori does want to talk to you it might indicate that maybe she needs someone to listen to her problems (lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem usually causes people to tell stories to make themselves feel important in which case it would be nice to help her build up her self image - maybe she should seek some kind of counseling). But, be careful, she might become defensive if you accuse her of lying so preface the conversation with saying that you are simply trying to help. Dear Ms. Soup: I have a small problem that I am concerned with, well, enough to be writing you about at least. I met a female on the Internet (she just emailed me one night) and we immediately clicked. Then, about two weeks ago, we started talking on the phone. Things were really good and we talked about meeting but didn't want to ruin what we had. Finally, yesterday we did it - we chose a place and met. She is great - just beautiful and smart, etc.. We both agreed that we didn't want to rush into anything because of previous bad relationships and all of the emotional baggage that comes with it. The problem - the kiss goodnight was a little more than a kiss. We both very easily could have - . I'm just concerned about rushing this because she is wonderful and I know that if we do go through with that then it might be bad. I know that if we see each other again it will sooner or later become physical. I have the utmost respect for women and I'm fairly old fashioned but, we both are so eager - so what's the best way to proceed. I just don't want to lose her if that makes sense sincerely, Jak Frost Dear Jak Frost Keep your wits about you on this one! You seem to have identified the problem very well - you're overly eager and highly attracted to her at the same time. It's perfectly normal that in the newness of the relationship that all the emotions and body urges are all at a peak. I suggest you work on getting to really know the girl and discuss this approach with her too so that she knows the ground rules. You both sound like you want to go slow so you're both going to have to work on that together to make it work. Try to keep in mind too, that should the newness start to wear off, and the degree of excitement seems to dissipate somewhat, it doesn't mean anything is wrong. And if you continue to be interested in each other beyond the physical, things could have a good chance of working. Dear Ms. Soup: What is the best way to win your girlfriend's heart when she might be falling for another guy. How can I get her back, she is all I need. - Jessie Dear Jessie: There is no best way. Since you know her best and I don't know her at all, I can only suggest that you be attentive to her, do nice things and basically do the things that would let her know that YOU are the right one - without badgering her about it which she won't appreciate. She may still go with the other guy and there's nothing you can do about it because at that point it's all of her choosing. And it means that she was ready to move on - away from you. It happens.